


Casualties of War

by Sadaralo



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:35:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadaralo/pseuds/Sadaralo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kira and Damar make a difficult choice during the rebellion.  Steer clear if you're pro life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Casualties of War

A cry of almost unbearable despair and sorrow tore from Kira’s throat; a cry wrenched from her very soul as the remains of what would have been her daughter fell into her waiting hands.

The baby, so desperately premature, struggled valiantly to breathe, oblivious to her father’s form, stunned immobile in the doorway to the washroom.

Especially now, cradling the tiny form, the spirited Bajoran woman wished she could take it all back; the illicit, and seemingly irresistible affair with Damar that got them into this mess, but mostly the herbs she’d taken the night before that induced the painful miscarriage.

She hadn’t wanted to do it, wished for another way; and she suspected the same held true for her Cardassian lover. The simple fact of the matter was they couldn’t raise a baby in Mila’s cellar and there was no way to be certain when the war would end. Adoption wasn’t possible owing to the child’s Bajoran heritage; and they couldn’t risk revealing their presence or location. Kira had turned it over and over in her head during long, sleepless nights, trying to imagine a way to make it possible for their child to be born. But one baby wasn’t worth the lives of billions that the resistance was focusing on freeing and the Dominion it was trying to defeat. Memories of Ziyal also gnawed at Kira. Ziyal, so hopeful and optimistic and cheerful despite all the pain of her childhood, had made Kira believe that her child with Damar could also find a way to be happy despite the prejudices and challenges it would have faced. It would have brought joy to Ziyal to see a wanted Bajoran/Cardassian hybrid. But was it fair to bring a child into the universe knowing that it would be bullied and discriminated against all its life? It was an excruciating dilemma that made Kira’s head and heart hurt. In the end, Kira Nerys decided that the reasons to terminate the pregnancy outweighed the reasons to keep it.

And so Kira had taken the herbs and drifted in and out of sleep on her bunk, waiting for the painful cramps to begin.

Mila had joined Kira in the bathroom in the early hours of morning as a comforting, motherly presence that Kira was grateful for as she breathed through the pain. The Colonel had tried to be quiet so the others in the house could sleep soundly, but Mila’s room was near the washroom and the older Cardassian woman had heard movement.

As the little girl took her last breath and went limp, Kira’s dark brown eyes squeezed shut in overwhelming sorrow and remorse. She hadn’t the faintest idea how she’d live with herself for sacrificing an innocent baby simply because the timing was inconvenient.

Tears tracked down Kira’s drawn cheeks as her eyes wrenched open again, an irrational hope fluttering inside Kira that when they did, this would all turn out to be a nightmare and her daughter would still be safe and healthy in her womb.

It was all horrifyingly real still. Kira gazed at the tiny bundle, committing her delicate, underdeveloped features to memory. The barest hints of the scales that would mark her as half Cardassian and the nose ridges that would show her half Bajoran heritage had just begun to show. Kira offered up a silent prayer to the Prophets to care for her daughter’s Pagh and reluctantly passed her to Mila to bury the child.

Kira’s eyes widened in surprise as Damar insisted on handling it, no doubt to say goodbye to his daughter in private as the rebel leader was wont to do.

Shaking like a leaf from both the physical and emotional pain, Kira cleaned herself up quickly and then made her way to the shower stall.

“I’ll shower while you do that and then we’ll get back to work.”

Mila’s blue eyes widened in stunned disbelief. “You should rest, dear!”

“I agree,” Damar said. “You require rest.”

“Resting won’t defeat the Dominion, Damar. You know that.”

“A nap, Kira. I mean it.”

Kira threw her hands up in the air and entered the shower stall. She felt drained on all levels. Even her spirit had taken a pounding with this loss, but she was determined to go on. She tried to console herself that there could be other babies, but she’d really wanted that baby. But she’d learned long ago, life was rarely fair.


End file.
